Heart-to-Hearts in a Terminus Bedroom
by turningofflights
Summary: Carol falls into a depression after the events of the Grove take place, but finds unexpected solace in a friendship with the youngest Greene after weeks of keeping everything inside. Carol/Beth friendship. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead.

A/N: So I don't really get our fandom sometimes. I don't get presenting Carol as some jealous bitch in some Beth/Daryl fics, I don't get presenting Beth as some whiney little girl in some Carol/Daryl fics, so I thought I'd remind everybody that these two women are each excellent characters in their own merit and write myself a lovely Beth/Carol friendship fic. I hope you enjoy it!

It had been a few weeks since Carol and Tyreese found Terminus and came, guns blazing, to save their crew from the train car. They decided to take the building for themselves- it was roomy, there was plenty of food and clothing. Rick released the rest of the people they had been holding captive, but asked them to leave. They couldn't take chances on strangers anymore.

Every day since they had gotten out, Maggie, Glenn, and Daryl made larger and larger circles to find Beth, but to no avail. With her best friend and only confidant on the search team, Carol tended to keep to herself.

"You gonna let me stay?" she had asked Rick one day.

"After the way you took care of my girl, how could I not?" he said. That was the extent of their communication.

Tyreese tried to be there for her. They had developed a deeper bond on the road together, but she rarely came out of her room.

"I'm fine," she would insist. "Just tired is all."

The dynamics in the group changed. Daryl and Maggie grew closer through their efforts, Michonne played mother figure to Judith, and Sasha and Bob stuck together. Every day Beth was missing, slowly but surely they all started to lose their faith that she would be found. Carol tried to talk to Daryl about it, but would just hang his head and say he was going to keep looking. She didn't push him too hard. If he wanted to talk about, he'd come to her in his own time.

One night over dinner, a dinner Tyreese had insisted she attend, the group surrounded a large table, eating meat Daryl had caught earlier that day. Carl made some joke about Judith's growth in size. "Tyreese, Carol, what were you guys _feeding her_?" She feigned a smile. When they heard somebody trying to get in the gate, Daryl and Rick were the first to jump up, signaling the others to stay put. Maggie and Glenn grabbed their guns from their holsters just in case.

Carol craned her neck for a better look to see a sight she never expected: little Beth Greene with a gun to the head of a preacher, tapping her foot impatiently at Daryl and Rick.

"Are ya gonna open the gate or not? It's been a long walk!" she teased. All of the reunions were quite touching. Carol watched as Daryl reached his arms out for a hug, as Maggie sobbed into Beth's neck, as Rick flung his arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze.

"Well now we got a reason to celebrate!" Glenn shouted, grabbing the "special occasion" alcohol from inside. Carol gave Beth a light hug, before sitting back down to pick at her food. She didn't see Beth's eyes on her throughout the night.

They kept the preacher locked in one of the spare rooms for the time being until they could figure out what to do with him. Tyreese and Sasha agreed to stand guard outside his room together. As the remaining members of the team questioned Beth all about what happened on her end since the fall of the prison, Carol couldn't help but notice the deep, dark circles in her eyes and the underlying fear and paranoia one could only get after a long, long journey. Still, yet, the alcohol and merriment of the reunion clouded the other's perceptions to Beth's sadness, and they continued to laugh the night away.

"How'd you manage to get through with just this lug for conversation?" Glenn has asked, burping from the wine.

"And who'd a thought ol' Bible thumpin' Hershel Greene's littlest girl would come saunterin up, threatenin the life of a preacher!?"

"Well I mean you certainly look like you've seen some shit, Greene!"

The comments were endless. Beth's good-nature kept her laughing, but her exhaustion got the best of her, and Maggie lightly commented that maybe she should get some rest. The group dispersed, to which Carol was thankful, and she retreated back to her room, underneath the covers, where she felt most comfortable these days.

Having slept roughly sixteen hours that day, the usual since she returned, Carol couldn't sleep. At about one in the morning, she saw Daryl rub tired eyes and exit Beth's room. She wondered what they talked about, but didn't wonder long. She closed her eyes, thinking about Beth, and how much she reminded her of Mika. She thought for hours, how Beth must have been an optimistic young girl like Mika when she was a kid. She wondered if, maybe with the right training, the right upbringing, had Lizzie not done what she had done, if Mika could have done what Beth did today. Could she have learned what you have to do in this world? Then, she wondered. Would, someday, Mika had been capable of doing something like Carol did? She shut those thoughts down real quick, and when somebody knocked on her door lightly, she was, for once, grateful for the distraction.

"Mind if I come in?" Beth asked, opening the door just a bit.

"No, of course, come in," Carol said, sitting up in bed.

"I'm sorry, I know it's late," Beth said.

"No, it's okay. I wasn't tired anyways."

Beth sat at the foot of Carol's bed awkwardly, searching for her words.

"Beth, what is it?" she asked, patting the pillow next to her. Beth crawled up in bed, sitting next to Carol.

"I was just thinkin… you know, everybody's sittin here asking me how I am. Maggie, Daryl, Glenn. Checkin in on me. And here I am and all I can do is wonder about you," she said, looking ahead. The two women had their moments in the past, but this was going far deeper than they ever had before.

"What about me?" Carol asked, waving her hand away as if the idea of worry about her was absolutely ridiculous.

"You're different… all throughout dinner, I mean. You didn't talk or laugh. You didn't hold Judith at all. Rick told me you found the baby, that you looked after her for weeks, but you didn't give her a look tonight. I'm worried about you," she said.

"Beth, I'm fine. Just an off night," she lied.

"You know, when I lost Judith, the other kids, I felt like such a failure… I had one job at the prison. Nobody expected me to hunt or clean or anything. I just had to sit there and look after this baby. I got to eat for free, I rarely had fence duty. So I'm sittin here, eatin this snake, and I'm thinkin, 'Wow, you stupid, stupid girl. You couldn't do your one thing right.' Then I thought, 'If Carol were here? She'd know. She'd know what to do. So I come here, tonight, and I see you… this woman I looked up to at the prison. You, you got away from Ed, you made it through Lori's passing, the strongest person in this group if you ask me. And I'm lookin at you and you seem so lost. I know… I know we're not close, but… you don't have to lie to me," Beth said. Carol sat for a moment in silence, pondering. She drew in a shaky breath.

"I don't hold Judith because… because I'm scared of myself," Carol whispered. Beth sat patiently, waiting for her to go on. Carol turned her head and looked Beth in the eye.

"I don't know what I'm becoming. Tyreese, he told me I only did what I had to, what anybody would have to-, but I don't know. What if I'm becoming this cold, shut down person?" she asked.

"I think if you were truly becoming that person, you wouldn't be askin yourself that question," Beth said.

"Can I tell you something? Something Tyreese and I haven't told anybody? Promise me you won't tell Maggie or Daryl?" Carol asked.

"Of course," the blonde said.

And she told her story. Carol, with hitched breaths and shaky words told Beth the story of the hardest day of her life- the day she lost two little girls, the day she took the life of a child.

"… and I pull the trigger. Just like that. And now, I lay here every single day for hours, wondering how I'm possibly supposed to live with myself after that," she concluded. Beth took a deep breath, and scooted closer to Carol, linking their arms together.

"You did what you had to do. Lizzie could have hurt Judith, she would have hurt herself at some point. That look at the flowers thing? She didn't learn that post-walkers. Lizzie's been sick for a long, long time, Carol. It's not your fault," she said.

"I know that… I do. I know that. All the reason and the logic- I know I did what was necessary. But all I can think about is watching her body fall to the ground. That sweet, sweet girl," she said. "Her daddy trusted me to look after her, and I couldn't save her," Carol said, leaning her head onto Beth's shoulder.

"It's unfair. If this didn't happen, if the world was how it was, Lizzie would have gotten the help she needed," Beth said. "But it isn't. And you did the best you could with what you had."

Carol didn't answer, but took long, deep breaths, slow, delicate tears pouring down her face.

"You're depressed, Carol. And you've got a million reasons to be. Back, before the governor and my dad… I told Maggie, 'We don't get to be upset.' But I was wrong. You get to be upset right now. You get to do this, to lay in bed and think and cry. You've been through more than anybody here. Losing your baby girl, losing the two girls with Tyreese. You get to be upset. But eventually, you've gotta get up, shake the dust off, and remember who you are. Cause you're not cold, Carol. You're not… withdrawn or dark or evil. You're just a woman who has seen too much," she whispered into the darkness.

"Thank you," Carol said. She was caught off guard by even her own tone of voice when she realized, it was the first time she felt relieved of the weight on her shoulders in weeks.

"Should we rest now?" Beth asked. The two women clung to each other tightly from the deep conversation.

"Actually, I think I want to get out of this bed," Carol said, smiling for the first time.

"Well how about you give me the tour? This place is huge!" Beth said.

The two crawled out of bed, arm in arm, and left behind the first of many steps it would take to let go of the events that happened in the grove, finding in one another what they had not expected: tranquility and friendship.

A/N: Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you for reading.


End file.
